Tip for Grievers #22

Anniversaries just suck.

No other way to say it. The birthdays, holidays, and special days just the two of you shared are flat-out painful. I keep forgetting this.

I want to think I'm a stoic (I'm not), so leading up to the day, I always think, "I'll be fine. I'm doing okay. I think I have this." Then the day arrives and I'm a total mess (what a surprise!).

We just went through our season of birthdays. Tom's birthday was the day before mine, and Zoe's is six days after me. I had planned everything for my birthday (dance at The Stud with a bunch of friends) and Zoe and I had discussed her birthday. But I hadn't made plans for Tom's birthday.

Zoe and I ended up going paddleboating (something we used to do as a family when Zoe was a kid), That was great, but I cratered after. So, I called a friend who was going to the theater that night and met him and his family there. His mom very kindly gave me a red rose as I left and reminded me to remember the good times.

I sobbed on the way home, but it was right for me to be with people that night. I needed it. But I can also see how sometimes I might need to be alone and draw inward.

So my advice: Plan a few flexible options. You may not know what is right until the day arrives. That's okay. Check out what your friends or family are doing that day and find out if you're welcome to tag along if that seems right. Think about a project or two you've meant to get done. Think about a favorite movie or two to watch, or look and see if there are any new movies you want to see. Is there something fun you can think of to do? Go to park, go for a drive, there are so many possibilities. Just think up both social and solitary ideas. Then listen to yourself when the day arrives.